Embarrassed

The three of us went to the grocery store and, this time, got one of the smaller carts.  We made our way to the produce section and were all deciding what fresh food to buy.  Chloe, having just gained some confidence the last time we'd been to the store, was manning the cart.  I warned for her to be careful with the cart because it is different than the bigger ones and may not handle her stepping on it. 

She must have forgotten my warning, because after a few moments, she attempted to step up on the cart and promptly fell backward onto the floor, and the cart came down with her.  We were standing right there and quickly caught the cart and helped her up.  A few other shoppers standing close by noticed and showed concern immediately.  When Chloe stood up and saw what a spectacle she'd become she started crying loudly. 

I bent down and asked her if she was hurt anywhere- she shook her head, no.  I asked if she was embarrassed and she nodded her head, yes. Abby and I exchanged a look and  we said "Well, we better get out of here then!!"

We grabbed her hands and started, crouched, hurrying from display to display making our way out of that section of the store. We made a game of "hiding" behind every little thing we could find and rushing to the next- playing on staying out of sight and hoping those strangers would forget what had just happened.  Chloe's spirit immediately lifted.  She started hurrying and giggling and playing with us.  We'd rescued her. 

Once we made it to another part of the store, we slowed down and started shopping again, but continued to play the hiding-behind-things game for a bit.  Chloe loved it, and had long since forgotten about her embarrassment. 

So I think back on this experience:
(Note: It is a strong value of ours that honestly reflecting on yourself and your actions can only make you better.  This is true in life and certainly in parenting.)
First I think: No amount of warning from me would have been able to teach her that those carts can be dangerous better than the memory of actually pulling one down on top of herself.  Of course, I'd rather her never get hurt or experience something dangerous... but there is no denying the lasting effects of a real life lesson learned.  So I shelf the mommy-guilt for that one, feeling glad she wasn't injured in the process.

Then I, of course, think about how we handled the embarrassment factor.
I've been thinking about this a lot, actually- it's been a week since this happened. It was one of those parenting situations that's difficult to plan for; we'd just gone with the moment. I've been pondering weather we "did the right thing".

This is actually small example of a common topic for us.  We quite often ponder and discuss: How do we do the best by Chloe, to help her grow into the most confident version of herself? We definitely know that she is easily embarrassed and being center of attention rarely feels good to her - this being an understatement.  She generally either shuts down or breaks into tears in those moments.   How do we empower her so that she isn't continually tortured by her beautiful temperament? My dream for her is to be peaceful in who she is.  It's a long, ongoing process- watching, helping, guiding her as she grows and developes.  I also know that in a way,  "growing up" is really just a series of very poignant moments.  So I put a lot of weight on instances like these, and feel it is our job, at times, to manufacture those moments if possible.  Did we show her the best thing?  Did we teach the right lesson?  Did we demonstrate who we are to her?  Did we lift her up and celebrate her? I hope so.

To be honest,  I'm not sure that teaching her to "run" from her embarrassing moments is the best overall lesson in handling embarrassment...I mean- what is the best way to handle embarrassment?  Graciously smile and allow yourself to blush a bit, laugh at yourself for doing something silly, and move on confidently?  Maybe- but who is able to do that?  Certainly not most adults I know- certainly not myself all the time.  And how do you explain or expect a young girl to be able to do that, or even understand how to get to that point.  You don't.

So I hold on to this: We showed her that we are there for her and can help lift her up, that embarrassment can be funny and doesn't have to end feeling terrible, and mostly- we will never humiliate her.  I hope that is what is what she holds onto, too.